just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
