i barfeds in our rink
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
