she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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