2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
