sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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