i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
