whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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