Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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