doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
