I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
