So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
