I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
