she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
