I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
did you just send me my own nude
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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