I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
