sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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