Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
