ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
