he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
