I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
