you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
