I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
