My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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