if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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