So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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