i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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