you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
