My sheets look like a crime scene.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
