I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
