I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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