I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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