honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
