I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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