Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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