Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
