Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
