I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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