So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
