Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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