i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
