i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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