I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize