I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
