is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
