im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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