I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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