Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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