got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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