My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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