what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
