i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
