Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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