i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
