This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
