Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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