and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
