ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
