Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think my vagina is haunted
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
