She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
