I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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