i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
