Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
