Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
