Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
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You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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