Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
