Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
