Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sponge bath it is.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
