She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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