Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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