The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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