you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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