Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
