Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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