Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You made out with two different species that night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
