I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
