A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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